Mary Sue Hunters: Case 1
by HungrySano
Summary: The Mary Sue Hunters are an elite, yet comical team of fighter against the Mary Sue phenomenon. Ren Kusanagi and Rika Kanzaki fight against the B.S. that Mary Sues tend to create in their wake.


Mary Sue Hunters

Case # 1: For the Love of Hiei

_The Mary Sue Hunters are an elite, yet comical team of fighter against the Mary Sue phenomenon. Lead by their mysterious commander, HungrySano, Ren Kusanagi and Rika Kanzaki fight against the B.S. that Mary Sues tend to create in their wake. As they have no special powers to use against these powered up, seemingly perfect beings, they must rely on their wits and character knowledge to defeat their enemies. _

It was a normal day for the Yu Yu Hakusho crew. They had been back from the Dark Tournament for a couple days and currently were having a picnic. By some miracle, Kurama had convinced Hiei to show. Well, not really a miracle. He promised sweet snow and before he knew it, Hiei practically interrogated Kurama for the time and place. Keiko and Shizuru spent a while, the day before, making the food, with the help of Yukina who gave quite a bit of assistance.

Sitting at a table in the park, the food was laid out so beautifully that it looked like a professional catering service had come by. Yusuke and Kuwabara grinned greedily as they prepared to dig in like pigs to a bucket of slop, however, the collective glares and the menacing waves of paper fans from Keiko and Shizuru put an end to that.

Kurama snickered lightly at the antics of the teens and Hiei had a distance look on his face. A sad, lonely expression was on the face of the fire demon. This drew Kurama's attention and worried him. Actually, it scared him a bit. Hiei was never the type to get depressed. Actually the majority of negative emotions Hiei's every displayed were murderous anger, especially when Yukina's safety was on the line.

"Hiei, is there something troubling you?" The fox demon asked his partner, as calm as ever.

Hiei response was a low 'Hn' as he stood up and walked away from the table, toward the woods without saying a word to anyone, but he still had the sad and depressed expression even as he walked away.

Kurama decided that Hiei would deal with whatever problem he had on his own, as he always did. Tossing his attention back to the rest of the group, he started to eat along with them.

Kuwabara, being the passionate soul he was, tried admitting his feeling to Yukina. Unfortunately, since Yukina didn't really understand the concept of 'love' too well, she simply smiled sweetly at him as always, despite her lack of comprehension. Kuwabara, on the other hand, took the smile as a sign of understanding and grinned from ear to ear.

Suddenly, Yukina blurted out, "You're stupid, KuwaBAKA!"

There were collective gasps from all around the table, including from Yukina.

Analyzing the situation, Kurama thought to himself, 'There are many things wrong with this picture. Yukina is actually being rude, to Kuwabara, no less, and up until now, she had addressed him by his first name. Something is amiss…'

Yukina's big, round eyes shone with unshed tears ash she looked at Kuwabara almost pleadingly. "Kazuma, please forgive me! I didn't mean those words! URK! Baaaaaaaaaaka! Baaaaaaaaaaka! KuwaBAAAAAAAKA!"

'Indeed, something is truly wrong, here.' Kurama said in his mind.

Meanwhile, in the bushes near the picnic table, were two people in fatigues with red patches that had 'MSH' printed on them in black. One of them was a girl with dark purple hair. Shoulder length hair and violent eyes. The other was a blonde guy with long hair tied into a ponytail that extended down his back with dark green eyes.

The girl had a pair of binoculars she used to spy on the picnic. She narrowed her eyes and said, "Looks like the Mary Sue activity has started. Yukina's already insulted Kuwabara a good amount of times. Also, Hiei's strangely out of character and wandered off somewhere. Looks like it's time to get to work, Ren. Uh, Ren?" She turned back to see her blonde companion looking at her with a pathetic look on his face. "What the heck is your problem?"

The blonde said in a whiney voice, "I'm hungry, Rika-chan! Let's go get some food first I'm sure we can eat with them!"

Rika sighed as she pulled out a mallet from nowhere and clobbered him in the head mercilessly. "Stay focused, will you? Besides, they don't even know who we are. Why would they give us food?"

Ren whined again, "Well, if we dressed up like starving bums…"

Rika's eyebrow twitched. "Listen, you! We have a job to do! Now, I'm gonna go find Hiei. _You_ stay here just in case the Mary Sue comes. And _don't_ try to steal their food, either! Got that?"

Ren sighed. "Yes, ma'am…"

Stopping a small ways into the woods, Hiei sat down on the back side of a tree, with his back against the trunk and sighed. However, he didn't notice the girl who happened to be near by. Her hair was long, sky blue and shinned with beauty. Her eyes were a bright emerald, no cyan! Wait, light red. No, yellowish-grey! No, no. Uh, brown? Nah, forget it. They WERE emerald green. Her slender and curvy body packed into tight black leather pants and a tight button down shirt that was buttoned down enough to show off the cleavage of her full, bouncy bosom. She was the most perfect thing ever seen in existence.

She sat down by Hiei and said, "I can feel your pain…"

"Hn?" Hiei raised an eyebrow and look at the newcomer to see the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. "Who are you?"

"My name is Amy Shindou. I'm half demon, half human, half American, and half Japanese." She winked at him.

Hiei couldn't help but feel attracted to her. He had to learn more. "What brings you here, Amy?"

The embodiment of female perfection responded, "Well, my parents were killed by the ruler of demon world when I was five. I sought out my revenge ever since and I killed him eleven years ago. I've been alone every since."

Hiei 'Hn'ed' again. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen." She beamed.

"You killed the ruler of demon world when you were eight years old?" Hiei asked skeptically.

Amy chuckled. "No, I was kidding! It was when I was ten. Anyway, let's forget about that for now, Hiei.." She hung herself over the fire demon and looked into his eyes seductively. "Your friends seem to be having fun over there. Let's have some fun ourselves, my love…"

Hiei froze as his eyes widened. All control seeped out of his body as he found himself responding, "I love you, too. I live for only you, Amy, my love…"

"What the hell?" Rika cried as she saw a perfect looking girl straddling Hiei, both of them topless and looking as if they were getting rid of their pants as well. Rika's eyebrow twitched as Amy stood up and put her shirt back on with a smirk. "And who might you be? You don't seem to be from around here."

Rika sneered. "Neither do you……Mary Sue." She pulled out her pistol and aimed for Amy's head. "Time for a rewrite, bitch!" Suddenly, Rika's entire body became paralyzed instantly. "What the hell is going on? A super power?"

Amy smirked. "Nope. That's just your bodily reaction to my incredible beauty. I'm simply stunning. Literally. Now, my Hiei and I were about to express our love before you showed up. Now it's time that you departed…"

"Ren, if you can hear me….HELP!" Rika bellowed.

Too bad Ren was on his own mission. He had finally made his way under the picnic table. Now it was just a matter of reaching up and grabbing the food without being scene. It was just Ren's luck that Kurama felt a presence near by and announced this fact, which made Ren extremely nervous. When his stomach began grumbling again, that was all the motivation he needed to proceed. He slowly reached his hand from under the table and felt around a bit. Something soft, big and round

"_Deluxe sized pork buns! Score!"_

He immediately pulled the item, or tried before he heard…

"Ow!"

Ren's face turned white as he peeked up to see what he had grabbed. Nope. Not a pork bun.

Keiko shrieked in horror, "There's a pervert under the table!"

Nope. _Definitely _not a pork bun.

Ren scrambled for a way out, but was only met with an angry Yusuke who said menacingly, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pound your face into the ground!" As Yusuke towered over Ren, his body began to glow with spirit energy. The tip of his finger crackled violently with a big, blue spark.

Ren gulped. "Uh…"

Rika was slammed again a tree by Amy as she narrowed her aqua eyes. Amy's crimson eyes shone with malice as the purple eyed half demon know as Amy advanced toward her opponent.

Rika growled and shouted. "Would you PLEASE pick an eye color and STICK with it? It's making me dizzy!"

Hiei simply sat there and cheered on Amy, who was much fast, stronger, smarter and more skilled than himself in every possible way. But that was okay with Hiei because she was his girl and he loved her more than life and his ambition to become a powerful demon.

Rika scanned the last few lines and cried, "That's complete bull! And where the hell is Ren?"

Amy smirked. "No one can save you. I'm stronger that the entire Yu Yu Hakusho cast combined. And that includes King Enma himself!"

Hiei shouted, "You tell her, love! No one can beat my Amy-chan!"

Just then, Amy grabbed Rika by the throat and chocked her against the tree. Her strength was incredible! Rika could feel her life draining, even though she had only been strangled for about a good three seconds. Then, Amy dropped her to the ground and snorted. "Pathetic. You have no kind of power. You bore me."

Rika lifted her head up and then looked toward Hiei who seemed to still be cheering on the Mary Sue. "The one who's pathetic….is YOU, Hiei!"

Hiei's eyes widened as he gasped.

Rika continued, "How the mighty Hiei has fallen…being outdone by a girl….who's only HALF demon. I never knew a full demon could be so WEAK!"

"W-weak?" Hiei repeated.

Amy kicked Rika across the face, sending her through two other trees before she finally skidded across the grass to a painful stop. With her body writhing in pain Rika managed to roll onto her back, with a smile on her face.

"Hiei…never thought you'd fall so far behind. Heh…even Kuwabara's probably laughing at how weak and stupid you've become…" Rika finished with a smirk before loosing her consciousness.

Amy sighed. "About time she shut up. Now, Hiei, honey, where were we?"

Hiei was now standing, full clothed with his sword in his hand. "This situation ends here, whoever you are."

Amy blinked in confusion. "What's wrong, my lover?"

The Jagan opened and omitted a crimson glow. "Now I know what and who you are. My Jagan allows me to see much better than people like you. You may see a lover, but I see one dead fool."

Amy could feel her cheap powers fading away as Hiei's scowl deepened. Her undecided eye color finally became black and stayed there. Her hold on Yukina suddenly faded into nothing and things went back to normal.

Somewhere, some poor little fangirl's computer froze before she cold hit the "save" tab in Microsoft Word, only after she completed a badly written Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic that featured an out of character Hiei and Yukina.

Back ay the scene, Amy feel to her knees, tears streaming down her face as she looked up at Hiei pleadingly. "All I wanted to do was love you, Hiei! Why? Why won't you love me back?"

Hiei scoffed. "Fool. You didn't want to love me. You sought to OWN me. There is only one person who owns me and he stands before you! Remember that on your way to hell!"

With his blind speed, Hiei slashed rapidly at the Mary Sue before she could blink. Without delay, she was in thirty some odd pieces on the grass. She had absolutely no time to scream. The remains then vanished as Hiei 'Hn'ed' sharply and sheathed his weapon.

He looked over to the spunky purple haired girl and warped to her side. He lifted her over his shoulders and brought her to the picnic table were Yusuke was trying to spirit gun a blonde guy who dressed a lot like the girl he was carrying.

Ignoring the foolish detective, he asked Yukina to heal the girl. When Kurama asked why, Hiei's only reply was this.

"Just returning a favor."

Epilogue (by HungrySano):

Ren was finally given a chance to explain after being blasted by Yusuke's Shotgun attack. He was also given food and healed by Yukina. Rika and Hiei had a short, but sweet exchange of thanks and Rika also got his autograph. She framed it and has it hanging in her room as we speak. Ren and Kuwabara played Shogi. Although it was his idea, Ren had no idea how to play. Neither did Kuwabara. Shizuru clobbered them both with her trusty paper fan. Everyone laughed, save Yukina.

All in all, I think things worked out for the best, but unfortunately, I have the feeling this won't be the last time we'll be visiting the Yu Yu gang. Kurama's Mary Sues are ten times WORSE. Well, until next time, guys!

Preview:

Rika: Next time on Mary Sue Hunters, me and Ren go to investigate Mary Sue activity in the Trigun universe! Vash falls in love with a mysterious plant girl who kills Meryl? Don't think so! Rewrite, bitch!

Ren: Rika-chan, put that thing away! Only Vash-sama and Knives-sama can use that! You're breaking the rules!

Rika: If the Mary Sue can use one, then, so can I! Angel Arm, activate!

Ren: (sigh) Next Episode is called 'Chaotic Casey'. Love and peace?

Rika: Ha! You wish!


End file.
